Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Christina Singh (A girl in memory) or How a part of me became

I was talking on the phone with a friend of mine today when the conversation turned to my childhood. I look back at how I was as a kid and wonder how people couldn't have known that I was at least bisexual. I played mostly with boys, loved sports, loved playing make believe with plastic swords and such, never wanted to be the damsel in distress, barely played with dolls, and always wanted to be the dad when I played house. It actually gets me to laugh about the number of times I argued with my friends that I wanted to be Casey Jones instead of April O'Neil. My logic in was that April couldn't fight and have the same kind of fun as Casey and the Ninja Turtles did. Basically I wanted to kick ass not wait to be rescued. LOL

Another big red flag was my best friend Christina Singh. She and I knew each other from around second or third grade through eighth grade. She was one of the few girls that would hang out with me during and some times after school. I found out at the end of eighth grade that she was moving and I thought I was okay with it. I was okay with it until a few weeks into summer when it finally hit me that she wasn't coming back and that I was never going to see her again. It hit me during dinner one night and I just started sobbing. When my mom asked why I was crying I remember almost wailing, "She's never coming back." and sobbing even harder. Years later when I first looked back at my friendship with Christina after I had realized I liked girls it dawned on me that I was in love with her and didn't know it. I didn't know what a lesbian or bisexual was until the summer before my freshman year of high school. Even then it was an abstract term that I didn't know applied to me. You see I didn't want to have sex with Christina or even kiss her. It didn't even dawn on me to do that. I did however want to hold her hand and walk around talking just the two of us.

Once I figured out that I liked girls that way it was a slow but ever steady journey to where I am now in my sexuality. I am bisexual but I like girls more most of the time.

So I think that in the grand scheme of things that I owe Christina Singh the honor of being my first love and the one to start it all off.

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