Friday, March 18, 2011


I have decided to move this blog over to a Tumblr account which means after this post there will be no other at this site. I will leave the posts up as an archive however so feel free to keep referencing them as you like. The Tumblr account is under the user name socialoutcast91 and it is also linked to my Twitter account under the same name so whenever I post on Tumblr a message goes out through my Twitter.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Evil Musicals

Okay so I went into the living room to share some of the nostalgia that I get when hearing songs from musicals I loved as a kid and the fact that I don't like most of the modern ones with my grandfather. I used Wicked as an example of one of the only modern musicals that I like. My grandfather wanted to know what it was about and then lamented about how society just won't let evil be evil and tries to explain it away. I pointed out that most people haven't read the Oz books and so wouldn't know the true evil of the wicked witch because they don't really show or talk about it much in the movie.

He started getting irritated with me about how evil is evil even if you don't know the reasons behind it or the reason why. I pointed out that until we see an act that we conceive as evil that we can't know someone is evil even if we never have the reasons behind or why the act happened. It is about perception. Then he started trying to lecture me about the nature of evil when I stopped him. I know evil exists without rhyme or reasons. That wasn't what I was saying about the story of Wicked and such. In fact I didn't even know why we were arguing considering that the conversation had begun with nothing to do with the topic he was lecturing me about. Ugh!

I just wanted to share something that was making me feel light and happy. *face palm*

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Sleepless Longing

I can tell already that I am not going to be getting a restful sleep tonight. Every time I blink or just phase out I get a feeling of want. A vague shadow of a woman behind my minds eye. Not lust but a true yearning to feel soft skin, hear groans, whimpers, moans, and raw need. To have control of her passion and play her like a finely tuned instrument.

I want to feel my veins alive with fire, with the passion to lose myself in the pleasure of someone else.

Every so often I get a little melancholy about being without these feelings for so long. It's been twelve long, rough, lonely years without those emotions. They are locked away out of fear of hurt and pain. I don't know how to let go and I haven't met the person who has the destiny to unlock them and with them my heart.

I want to feel dominate, aggressive, primal, out of control. The intensity was a powerful high.

The problem is that even the first and only time this has been took a year of ever deepening friendship and flirting to get there. Everyone I have met wants fast, easy, with sex.

I will be back to my glass half full tomorrow along with making more sense. This feels disjointed.

Monday, March 14, 2011

The Best Fight I Ever Won

I won a fight once without throwing one punch or saying more than one sentence. Of all the fights I have been in either verbally or physically I say this is the best one I ever won because of that fact. I was a sophomore in high school and one of the new people as well. I started hanging around with the misfit crowd. One of the senior girls in the group got pregnant with her high school sweet heart. She was going to give the baby up for adoption.

One day I was talking with another girl from the same group about the situation and said that I wouldn't have the choice but to keep the child. My mother would have made sure of that little fact. The next day that same girl who I thought was my friend told a highly edited version of our conversation to the pregnant senior.

During lunch the senior confronted me screaming, shaking, and just itching to take a swing at me. She never asked me if what she heard was the truth first she just assumed that what she was told was right. I stood there surrounded by people with my face set in stone, my arms crossed in front of me and waited. Once she had stopped screaming I asked her one question, "Are you done?" She made another noise and just stormed off.

After that day I was treated differently by not only the other students but by the school staff. The students were all afraid of me and/or respected me. The staff knew I wasn't a trouble maker and would in fact avoid making trouble if I could.

By keeping my mouth shut, my emotions turned off, and controlling myself even if I couldn't control anything else in the situation I won that fight.

Everyone sees the world differently even if they pretend to see it the same as everyone that they want to like them. Everyone also likes to intentionally or accidentally forget this little fact. My favorite two quotes about life come from video games but they are both valuable.

"- Shut one's eyes tight or open one's arms wide, either way, one's a fool." - Flemeth "Dragon Age"

"Eh. Our mistakes make us who we are."  - Isabela "Dragon Age 2"

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Dragon Age 2

On March 8th, 2011 BioWare released a game with the name of "Dragon Age 2" it is the sequel to an EPIC game set within a medieval fantasy world. I had pre-ordered the game months in advance with the advantage of getting a "free" (Nothing is really free.) upgrade to the BioWare Edition. All that really means is a different look to the case when compared to the normal and collector's editions and a goodly amount of digital content including the first add-on for the game.

I brought the game home. I finished doing some things and then sat down in my chair to get some equality time with my Xbox 360. The first night I put in about twelve to thirteen hours and hadn't even finished Act 1. The game is seriously detailed in both the story line and the graphics. Just about every choice you make effects something else from the very start. I beat the game last night and I am very happy with the ending I got. I have started a new game and have already started choosing different choices to see what changes with this play through.

Anyone interested in a medieval role playing game that focuses a lot on storyline will love this game as much as I do. If you just want something where you hack and slash you will be disappointed.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Charlie Sheen

Charlie Sheen is a great entertainer who doesn't conform with what everyone else thinks he should. I have been watching him in various things since I was a young child. My first memories of him are from the movies "The Wraith" and "Ferris Bueller's Day Off".

He has had bumps in his life. They are unfortunately in front of the world because of the work he does for a living. If it were anyone else we wouldn't care unless we were directly involved and we sure as hell wouldn't be trying to tell a grown man how to live his life, well, I wouldn't be.

You have to admire a person that continues to live his life the way he wants to live it even as most of the world seems to be against him.

We don't know what is really going on with Mr. Sheen. We don't have our lives truly intermingled with his. What I do know is that we need to stop judging. We assume because of rumors, bad press, and third party stories that he is bad news. We believe what gossip rags, tabloids, and mass media tell us to believe. I'd like everyone to take a step back, take a deep breath, and remember that this man is human. Would you be treating your father, brother, uncle, cousin, or friend this way? Or would you choose to let them live their life and just support them as long as they are trying to help themselves.

Mr. Sheen could be doing coke and drinking. He could be completely sober. We don't know and frankly I'd like to believe the best in him as I do in most people in this world. The fact of the matter is we are only seeing the superficial surface of his life as a whole and recent events especially.

Open your minds. If you must think the worst of Mr. Sheen then don't say it out loud. It is good manners not to harass, demean, and call people names. For those of you that believe in a higher power let that power do the judging and condemnation.

Bless you Mr. Sheen. Live your life the way you are going to live it. Thank you for sharing aspects of yourself with us over the years. Thank you for forgiving those that judge you, eventually. Don't let negative people hold you down even if that person is yourself. Everyone has a will to change and improve anything that they want to.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Sales Jobs

I don't understand some of the way things work in the business world.

I get food delivered from a well known company. Last year I was talking to my delivery guy and he was telling me that the work was good because they got a set salary instead of working on commission.

This year I have a different delivery guy and he just told me that the company changed the way they pay people so that the base salary is less than you could live on. Then they have "incentives" that can up your pay as long as you play the game and sell more food deliveries. Except for one simple problem. The way they have it set up the delivery drivers would have to go out on their days off to solicit new customers because one of the incentives when they are on the clock is to come in on time for every stop in the route. This seems like a hinky business practice to me. I know I would work harder if I was getting a flat salary per hour than this system. My delivery guy did the calculations and discovered that unless he plays the game he actually makes less than minimum wage with the hours per year etc, etc.

My grandfather says that this is just how it is in sales and that if I don't like it then I don't have to work in that sort of job. *shrug* It seems to me that a lot of the companies that have stopped doing commission type sales jobs have improved because they don't pester the consumer.