I can tell already that I am not going to be getting a restful sleep tonight. Every time I blink or just phase out I get a feeling of want. A vague shadow of a woman behind my minds eye. Not lust but a true yearning to feel soft skin, hear groans, whimpers, moans, and raw need. To have control of her passion and play her like a finely tuned instrument.
I want to feel my veins alive with fire, with the passion to lose myself in the pleasure of someone else.
Every so often I get a little melancholy about being without these feelings for so long. It's been twelve long, rough, lonely years without those emotions. They are locked away out of fear of hurt and pain. I don't know how to let go and I haven't met the person who has the destiny to unlock them and with them my heart.
I want to feel dominate, aggressive, primal, out of control. The intensity was a powerful high.
The problem is that even the first and only time this has been took a year of ever deepening friendship and flirting to get there. Everyone I have met wants fast, easy, with sex.
I will be back to my glass half full tomorrow along with making more sense. This feels disjointed.